Holiday Decorating Suggestions

This year, instead of decorating a tree, why not string lights and tinsel on the work piled up on your desk, or spread holly and ivy over that sink full of dirty dishes or decorate the stack of laundry sitting in the laundry basket?

Win-win-win-win…

How To Get Rid of Telemarketers

…or at least “fine” them for calling. While it might inconvenience some callers you might want to speak with, having your only phone forward to a 900 number (in your company’s name–“Telemarketers, Welcome!” or some such) that charges $5 or $10 a minute might–just maybe–hold down the number of telemarketing calls you would receive.

And you could always offer your mom a refund.

Happy Hookers to All…

…and to all, a heartfelt shafting.

Well, it’s that time of year once again, when a national jewelry chain runs its ads with advice on how to please prostitutes. You know the ads,

“Every kiss begins with [an expensive gift of jewelery from said jewelery chain]”

So, just remember guys, if you have to pay for it–beginning with “every kiss”–you’re just a John being serviced by a whore. Just keep in mind what this jewelry chain says this season is really all about (and wait for February when it’ll remind you how to pay for Valentine’s Day “kisses”).

Don’t you just love public service minded companies like this one?

Continue reading “Happy Hookers to All…”

Riddle Me This

You’ve probably heard it said, “You never see the bullet that takes you down,” but does that mean you do see the ones that miss? I mean, bullets are pretty darned small and move really fast. Heck, star baseball players with really, really great batting averages can just (really) see only most of the balls pitched their way–the absolute greatest only hit in the 40% range–and baseballs are much, much larger than bullets, and the fastest fastballs travel less than 1/5 the rate of speed of a “slow” .45.

And most pitches are not aimed at the batter, so looking at the balls isn’t quite so dangerous. *heh*

I dunno… “seeing” the bullets that miss would seem to be a low probability event. 🙂

Now, Isn’t That Special?

OK, so marble backsplash essentially finished in the kitchen. Sure, lil niggling things left–pickling the trim and a few lil touchups. Piddlin’ stuff. So, my Wonder Woman looked at it as it was progressing last week and brought out the paint samples. *sigh* OK, OK: buy paint; hold in reserve until backsplash finished and… oh, wait, that’s pretty much now.

So… applied paint to walls (starting with one half of wall from backsplash to ceiling, 2′ wide and then door to the laundry room & pantry and past that the door to the garage). Oh. Joy.

Not.

On the wall, great coverage, but. Yeh, doesn’t look like the paint sample OR like the paint dried on the can. *huh?!?* Waited for drying. Another coat. Nope. Same. Not the “Cafe au lait” we (she *heh*) wanted but a kind of light pea greenish/brown. Not right.

Will have to shop around for a fix, I think, but just not this week.

Oh, the trim color we bought for the door trim and molding? Works. Looks pretty good.

I am so looking forward to repainting the thing again in a couple of weeks. Not. Masking, removing things from walls–including the pot rack and everything stored on/in it–and all the rolling and brushing and cleaning up, oh my.

Something to look forward to, for sure.

Tomorrow evening: sanding the backs of a bunch of (extra) marble tiles to harvest some marble dust for use in another kitchen project. *sing-song* “I’ll never tell… ” (Though of course I probably will)

Multi-culti

I may make this a third world county feature. Who knows?

Anywho, here’s a multi-cultural post for you, a blast from the past rerun of a long-ago Precision Guided Humor Assignment:


The Third World County™s Politically Incorrect Guide to Detecting an Islamofascist Murdering Savage SOB Terrorist.

See a suspect? Maneuver to get the wind on ’em. (Scent The stench of rotting camel–or other–dung may be your first clue apart from the fact that the guy looks like an Ay-rab.)

Step 1.) Does the goober smell worse than–well, Goober? If so, he’s either a Loony Left Moonbat or a Islamofascist murdering savage SOB. Bag ‘im either way.

Step 2.) When you perform a “cranial echo test”–whack ‘im on the head with an ax handle) does a “thunk” or no sound at all procede from his pie hole? If a “thunk” then it’s a Loony Left Moonbat and good for catfish feed or for bait for wild boar. If no sound at all issues, then there’s nothing inside (sound doesn’t travel in a vacuum, you know) and you have a splodydope. Remove any useful explosives and see uses for Loony Left Moonbat, above. If the critter attempts to bite the axe handle, it’s an osama and should be doused with gasoline and burned (after removing any useful explosives for later use fishing or blowing stumps).

Do bury any remains of an osama in pig manure and turn the compost frequently. Use this compost to kill kudzu.


There. Wasn’t that all warm and fuzzy, multi-culti?

(Oh, and before someone charges me with dehumanizing or demonizing Loony Left Moonbats or terrorists, please note that Loony Left Moonbats and terrorists have beat me to the punch and either dehumanized or demonized themselves before I could get in on the act. I’m just calling the cards that are already dealt.)

An exercise in giving thanks

[heh]

[Speaking to self: Self, read yesterday’s post. OK, now you can write this one. 🙂 ]

Wednesday, I recieved the motherboard I was waiting on. Put it away, cos, well, family was here, it was The Anniversary and the next day was Thanksgiving. Very “righteously” avoided even looking at it on Thanksgiving Day.

This morning, opened it up, put all tools, etc., out, arranged everything and began the process of installing the new board.

It was not the board I ordered and paid for. It was not at all the board advertised, promised for delivery or confirmed as being shipped. The company I ordered from stiffed me by shipping me an inferior product.

Not an explosion, but a very, very fast burn…

Later, more calmly, after being stiffed multiple times by a disfunctional voicemail/phone system at the other end of the pipe, I sent an email detailing the need the company had to make me whole, in order to demonstrate good faith.

Hours went by… more attempts to penetrate the impregnable defenses of a disfunctional voicemail/phone system.

Nearly twelve hours later, an email. Their remedy? They’re sending me an RMA#. I am to ship the inferior product that I did not order back to them. The company makes NO representation in the email concerning either replacing the inferior product with the product they advertised, which I ordered and paid for and they said they had shipped OR any reference to a refund!

Now, am I thankful for this lil difficulty (and admittedly, it is a small difficulty)?

Well, yes. And here’s why. I responded to the “RMA” email by detailing a few of the ethical and legal lapses in the company’s behavior. I very truthfully pointed out that should the company NOT make every effort to make me whole that I would bring their illegal bait and switch behavior to the attention of the federal fraud folks (http://www.ftc.gov/sentinel/ 😉 and two States’ Attorneys General, as well as complaints to Yahoo (since it was a “Yahoo Store”).

Why take such a hard line?

Well, while it’s no big deal for such companies to cheat me on such a small scale, unless a few folks (metaphorically) rap them upside the head with a brick bat for such behavior, they can mulitiply it hundreds or thousands of times, defrauding–harming–hundreds or thousands of other people.

So, I am grateful for the opportunity to climb on my swaybacked white horse, don my flowerpot helmet and take up my mop-handle in poor imitation of Don Quixote in hopes that this lil inconvenience for me may not be so readily perpetrated upon others, who may very well not find it a small inconcenience, but a heavier burden.

BTW, if you want to drop by the business that stiffed me and just let them know you’ll be spreading the word that you give credence to my opinion (based on my experience with them) that they are unethical, unreliable and altogether despicable, here’s their site and email:

http://www.justdeals.com

[email protected]

One more dishonest place to avoid doing business with, IMO.

Update [11/30/04] Spent an hour on the phone with a “manager” at Justdeals.com having the distinct pleasure of lecturing him on the moral. ethical and legal failings of his firm. Finally wringed from him the “concession” that he would refund the transaction on our credit card (as though he could avoid doing so: by this time, our next step was calling the credit card company to report their fraud and have the CC company get the charge reversed, which they would certainly do [heh]–and he very well knew it by the time he made the “concession”.) By this time, he was also offering to avert complaints to the California Attorney General’s office and the FCC as well, so he told me to simply keep the product we had not ordered (as though he had the ability to demand a return of something we had not ordered! [heh]).

[sigh] Some people are really dense. (Of course, there was also the language barrier… 🙂 I had both those “offers” in my pocket to begin with!

Well, eventually (when it’s convenient for me to be near a UPS dropoff) they’ll get their inferior product back. IF the refund is posted to our account by Thursday.

Warn folks you know: in my opinion doing business with this company means you don’t necessarily have any kind of chance of getting what you pay for and getting any kind of good faith behavior out of them after the sale is a chancy thing at best.

But when you get right down to it, having the distinct pleasure of exercising my “prophetic gift” (speaking forth hard truths, clearly, unequivocally, unreservedly) was nearly worth the inconvenience of doing so while burdened with a (temporarily) deaf “phone ear”… (Laid up today with a frequently painful stopped up left ear… sometimes clears temporarily only to plug up again… drainage? wax? If it goes on, I’ll have it seen to [sigh]).

But man! The guy had to deal with me while I was nursing a case of deaf phone ear… Personally, I bet he’d rather have had to deal with a bear with a toothache. [heh… heh]