I may make this a third world county feature. Who knows?
Anywho, here’s a multi-cultural post for you, a blast from the past rerun of a long-ago Precision Guided Humor Assignment:
See a suspect? Maneuver to get the wind on ’em. (
Scent The stench of rotting camel–or other–dung may be your first clue apart from the fact that the guy looks like an Ay-rab.)
Step 1.) Does the goober smell worse than–well, Goober? If so, he’s either a Loony Left Moonbat or a Islamofascist murdering savage SOB. Bag ‘im either way.
Step 2.) When you perform a “cranial echo test”–whack ‘im on the head with an ax handle) does a “thunk” or no sound at all procede from his pie hole? If a “thunk” then it’s a Loony Left Moonbat and good for catfish feed or for bait for wild boar. If no sound at all issues, then there’s nothing inside (sound doesn’t travel in a vacuum, you know) and you have a splodydope. Remove any useful explosives and see uses for Loony Left Moonbat, above. If the critter attempts to bite the axe handle, it’s an osama and should be doused with gasoline and burned (after removing any useful explosives for later use fishing or blowing stumps).
Do bury any remains of an osama in pig manure and turn the compost frequently. Use this compost to kill kudzu.
There. Wasn’t that all warm and fuzzy, multi-culti?
(Oh, and before someone charges me with dehumanizing or demonizing Loony Left Moonbats or terrorists, please note that Loony Left Moonbats and terrorists have beat me to the punch and either dehumanized or demonized themselves before I could get in on the act. I’m just calling the cards that are already dealt.)